Thats what little girls are made of...

So last year my cousin Melanie passed away after a long struggle with verious health causes. She was surived by a large loving extended family and her two children. Brandy and Jason, Sugar and Spice, I remeber when I was a little boy I was a terror to my relatives, I rember one year at Christmass at my Aunt Phyllis's With my family and some of Phyllis's kids and melanie had the kids with her. and I must have been 13 or 14 and I had jsut got an nintendo for christmass and my loving relatives locked me in the den with the kids to babysitt while they had "Adult" time if i wanted to play my nintendo I had to babysit. now Jason was like me when I was his age he was a unholy little terror and the more he annoyed and agravated me the more my family laughed and told me he was like me. And with the perspective of age I can see that he was and remember him fondly for it. And then there was Brandy who was the sweetest little girl, worth of a movie characture of cutness she was pigtails and sunshine smiles and that lisping little voice "Unkah Criss rewed me a stowry!" she would sit on my lap smelling of sunshine and we would read books together and she would scold her brother jason with that stern little girl voice to behave... that is how I will allways remember her.. that and when she was a baby just old enough to crawl when we weer visiting shed follow me around, shed been sick the time I first met her as a baby and she went out of her way when she had to throw up to do it on only my shoes.. my socks and no where else. Now she grew up into a fine young woman going to college with a bright future driving a ittle red sports car to fast. But Ill allways remember that cute as a button little girl asking me to read or color with her. And Jason poor Jason I know all to well what its like to be a brother... But I cant imagine loosing my own sister.. what kind of comfort do you offer to a someone who lost his mother and his sister within a span of two summers? It was sudden Brandy wasnt feeling well and they thought it was her pancritus wich her mother had suffered from as well. Her roomate went to take her to the hospital but it turns out it wasnt what they thought it was something with her thyriod it faileed and her blood preasure was so low they couldnt operate and in short order she died of a congestive heart failure Im am fuzzy on the details because as my mother was telling me all I could think about was how long ive been meaning to get in touch with that part of my family and how I kept putting it off knowing I had plenty of time.

and if that wasnt enough my mother tells me her kidneys may be failiing again they dont know there waiting for tests to tell weather she will be ok or have to go back on dialocies and if so for how long up tot eh rest of her life.


I think I want to scream


I am walking through my day grinning as I gritt my teeth smilling so hard I can feel the bone chip away and the blood flowing behind my lips, but let them think im ok

if I look ok then maybe I can maintain

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: Abney Park, Dear Ophellia